Hello!
This is my first post here. I am a girl from Norway, aged 25.
At the age of 15 I started drinking and smoking hash, and later I started doing speed and pills, and eventually heroin. when I was 21 I took a little overdose and a friend (I didnt really knew him that well actually) came to my place and saved my life. After that I went straight into detox..I got in over night thanks to my dads help! When I was in detox I got a free space on a rehab center....I was lucky!!I left after 3 months and thought I was ready for life. I started studying , but was still using ocasionally. I wasnt able to graduate and after that year I decided to move to another part of the country and start over again. I really thought that would help, but it didnt go long time before I met this guy who was selling all kinds of pills, and I was buying from him all the time.
Then I met the love of my life and that helped!!! he helped me stay clean and slowly I build my life up and now I am a fulltime job I am happy about and we also have a big house I am happy about.
However , last autumn I got a prescription of my doctor on valium, because I was so afraid of going to the dentist. They were very soon gone!! After that I started using many pills again , also with a co-worker of mine. every morning at work , we share pills with eachother to get thru the day. And this is where I am today. when I dont have any pills, I drink alcohol in the evening...even if I cant really like alcohol. This week I am on sickleave from work, I just feel so tired and sick!! and I dont want to use anymore. Right now I am sitting here, my hands are shaking and am looking at 20 benzoes and 20 ritaline. I havent touched them yet.
I know there are not much anyone can do for me here but please please back me up, I need constant reminder that I should not take these pills. I just feel so sick now. I know I should throw my pills away , but I am not ready for that ! what if I regret , and need them after all? then it would be too late and I would just do stupid things to get new pills.