I understand the dynamics of this cycle and going back over and over. It breaks you down until you are so mentally exhausted, you feel like you just can't fight it. Fear of your spouse or bf breaks you down inside as well. You actually start believing what they say and you think you are not worthy of anything more than what you have. It is simply not true. Follow through and you'll find out just how tough you really are. He did this because it is really he who is weak and he resents you for being something he'll never be. It is about controlling another person for him. That is a defect of his character even without drugs. Being clean probably would not have stopped this behavior. It only amplifies it maybe. I would be more confident any day of an addicts chances of getting clean than an abusive man ever changing. Please do anything you can to stay emotionally and physically safe and if you need to talk at all you can always contact me.