Mejo, This scenario your describing is exactly the same almost word for word that occurred with a boyfriend I had prior to my AH. My last contact with him he also choked me and I called the police. He kept calling saying almost exactly the same things you described and I felt the same things inside and told myself the same things in my head you are saying to yourself.
You are in no way what so ever responsible for him physically abusing you ever. I so relate to this that if only I could grab you right now and take all those thoughts out of your head, I would. Is it possible that I could beg you not to think these awful thoughts about yourself?
This isn't just meth, this is who this person really is. Please see that. Please seek the assistance of a DV shelter for counseling and any other help if possible. And please stop listening to that coward.