Mejo,
I used to be right where you are right now. I understand all of the emotions you are going through. Even wanting to beg someone who abuses to love you.
It is a complicated issue full of overwhelming emotions.
It doesn't matter why you called the police. Calling them was the right thing to do for you and your children.
When you live in an abusive situation you lose your power. It takes some time after you leave the abusive situation to get your power back again so you feel you can stand on your own two feet and take care of yourself. All of the abuse is his fault. Calling the police was the first step in regaining your power in your own life. It will take a lot longer to work through the other issues that make you feel that you totally need this other person and it will be a painful process.
If you can break all contact for just two weeks you are going to start feeling better.
You really need to stay alive for your children and your AH is putting your life at great risk. There were times when I could do things for my children that I couldn't do for myself. Keep yourself safe for your children.