mejo

I feel like my world is crumbling down around me. Yesterday he tried to choke me. And after all that and the horrible mess, I still cried and begged. I still wanted him to love me. I called him and still asked for him to come back. Why? What am I thinking? He told me this morning that he does not love me and I will be served with divorce papers. My daughter begged me to file charges. What was I showing her if I didn't? I have major bruises on my throat. And yet I still wanted him home? What is wrong with me? He has a new girlfriend, yet I still allow this? So, I grew a pair and called the police this morning. I was almost hoping they would tell me it was too late. Nope. They said they were going to press charges if I didn't. So I let them take pictures. They are trying to find him now.

They left him a voice mail letting him know they want to talk to him. So what did he do? He called me. Asked why I was lying. Asked why I did this and told me "because I did not want you, you are going to send me to prison?" Really? Then he told me he hates my ******* guts and hung up on me. Then he txt me and asked me to fix this. Said he did nothing and I am framing him. Said I was crazy and that everyone tried to tell him to get away from me, and then when he finally did, I framed him. Ugh. I feel like a ****** person. I feel like he is right, I filed charges because he was gonna leave me or like I was being vindictive. I hate feeling like a ****** person. I hate feeling like I made a mistake, like maybe he is right, I wanted control? Is this normal to feel this way? Why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel like this? I called my therapist last night and he told me to hold my AH accountable. Is that really what I am doing? Am I really trying to show my kids that this behavior is not okay? That Meth will make a person a monster at the drop of a hat? Omg, I am feeling regret. What did I just do?