Frustrated
I just recently admitted I'm an alcoholic. Tough pill, but I'm glad because I can fix it.
Got into a blackout drunk fight with my boyfriend. He was very angry with me, but somewhere along the way I snapped into reality and sobered up instantly, it was weird. But when I became sober, I remember him being a complete a$$hole, he thinks I don't remember a thing because I normally don't.
Anyway, I apologized to him, admitted I had a problem and went to AA.
I told him maybe it's best if we take a few months break and I can get a grip on this. He agreed, but told me not to be a stranger.
He works up north for 2 week stretches, he has a dangerous job and must drive on dangerous Canadian roads to get there. So I worry always.
I texted him yesterday just to make sure he got there ok, he is ignoring me. He has done this before, he ignores me and uses my worry and love against me like a weapon. So now I'm worried something has happened, and if not I'm mad he's manipulating me and making me worry for him. He's also been treating me like a criminal or second class citizen for over a week.
Then a guy at work was really mean to me today.
My professor gave us a ludicrously complicated exam.
My car signal light went out.
I pay my tuition out of pocket, and I need to come up with remaining few hundred dollars, within a week.
I know these are first world problems.
I have a business I run completely alone.
On days like this i normally drink, I have no idea what to do to handle it. I mean it, looking back i have never handled a bad day without wine.
So to whine, wine, wine.
Going to AA right now though. Even though I don't want to.
This is an hour by hour day for sure.