Flavia,
Gosh so hard to cover in this format.
Lawyers will make this expensive. How expensive depends on what you need a lawyer to do. I did a 3 year divorce battle myself. Started out amiably, until a lawyer got involved.
In my case, and it at the time my state, you could file a No Fault Marital Separation Agreement (MSA). This got presented to the judge, who looks it over to make sure there is nothing illegal in the agreement (not paying taxes, child support, etc.), signs it and your done. That did not require either party get an attorney, but either party could if they chose to.
My ex and I sat down with a piece of paper. A column was drawn Hers and Mine. We calmly discussed material possessions easily. I gave her all of the household stuff. She could keep her car and I could keep mine. I wanted all my tools but the rest she could have. She was happy there. We discussed the house split. She wanted the one that cost the least to own and maintain, to which I agreed to. She had a ton of equity in that house. The cash we had on hand, I wanted to partially make up for the equity in the house she was getting. That took us some time to discuss but we worked it out. I agreed to give her half of my 401K and pension. She was working, I was working. Neither of us asked for alimony. I never asked for anything going forward of her 401K etc.
Took us about 4 hours. It sucked, but it was not the worst thing you'll do in life. Then we drafted it up per the format given to use by the courts. She looked at and said, Ok This actually looks good here, mind if I take it to an attorney to look it over? No not at all.
1 week later I was served with a Notice of Contested Divorce by her attorney. 3 years later, she settled, with the car she had and the clothes she could fit into it. Her attorney got 20K out of this 3 years.
Be reasonable and amiable for as long as you can. It is ALWAYS better if you both can work it out yourselves. When attorneys get involved, all of that goes away. By the time its over with, the attorneys have caused you both to hate each other.
Divorces are hard no matter what. Do not lie, hide anything, or try to wreck your husbands reputation. That will backfire on you. His character will be in full view by the time its over. As will yours I could make this response longer with more idea to consider, but you need to decide if you wish to move ahead or not.
Oh yes, I almost forgot. We had court ordered Mediation sessions. If you have an adversary unwilling to compromise about anything, Mediation will serve little purpose. We went to 3 of them. Each time I tried to offer more in some fashion. Her attorney had convinced her that she was going to get everything. That was strong Kool-Aid for her to drink. Anything less than everything, wasn't going to be enough for her by that point.
Its a big decision. Please don't jump too fast based on a huge emotion you feel at this moment.