Thanks Thumper! As you said, I get desperate for him to understand me but I also know that he is desperate for me to understand him. I get that. Unfortunately, understanding him means acknowledging the craziness of alcoholic thinking and I just won't go there anymore. So, now I find that just not engaging at all makes the most sense.
He does all the talking and I sit there and nod my head or sometimes I just sit there and count sheep. OK, well maybe not sheep but I do my own mental gymnastics so that I can distract and detach and keep from JADE(ing), if that makes sense.