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Old 11-26-2014, 04:24 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
tootiredwife
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: M0
Posts: 6
My personal experience with my divorce prompts me to say to you "Get a lawyer who's experienced in family law and possible even situations dealing with addiction."
When I asked my now XAH to choose between alcohol or his 18 year marriage and family, he chose alcohol because he didn't have a problem- I did. His response to me asking him to choose was to move out and file for divorce.
It all started very amicably but once the consequences of his choices began to become a little more real to him and once I was no longer enabling, it all changed drastically. It became about him being able to preserve the ability to drink and that requires money. My XAH also didn't care for the discovery phase of HIS divorce. It wasn't about the money, it was about shattering the illusion to the world (really just me and our lawyers) that maybe some things had occurred and I wasn't crazy after all. He chose to lie on the discovery instead of face the reality of what he had done.
Needless to say, when it did become about money that he desperately needed to be able to keep drinking, he fought for that more than he did his children. I had tried to be amicable and agree to things I shouldn't have due to the mistaken belief that it might help him choose sobriety if I kept giving. After 2 years of that, the lightbulb came on and I decided to call his bluff and demand we go to court and let a judge decide. He caved, as I knew he would, because there was no way he wanted to have to admit to things under oath in a public courtroom.
Get a good lawyer to protect yourself. Maybe you'll need it, maybe you won't. It's an unpredictable ride when you're dealing with an alcoholic. That's why you need someone who is thinking only about your best interests with no personal feelings clouding the situation.
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