[QUOTE=Phinneas]I have an addict in my head that is trying to kill me. Do you know that voice? It's the voice of my disease, the voice of self-destruction, of self-loathing. It's the voice that says I'm not worth it, I don't deserve good things or to be happy. That I don't deserve recovery, or even to live.
I've heard some speak about the native american metaphor that we all have a black dog on one shoulder and a white dog on the other. The one who survives and grows is the one we feed.
I try to feed my white dog with prayer, meditation, working the steps of recovery, letting others love me, taking care of myself, etc. But those black dog thoughts still come at me from deep, deep within and bring me to my knees.
I am hoping that you guys can relate to this and share your experience and advice.
thanks, family
--phinny
P.S. Kahlia's signature quote reminded me of this song. I think the lyrics and message are wonderful description of this inner conflict.
Put Your Lights On
(Santana / Everlast)
Hey now, all you sinners
Put your lights on, put your lights on
Hey now, all you lovers
Put your lights on, put your lights on
Hey now, all you killers
Put your lights on, put your lights on
Hey now, all you children
Leave your lights on, you better leave your lights on
Cause there’s a monster living under my bed
Whispering in my ear
There's an angel, with a hand on my head
She say I’ve got nothing to fear
There’s a darkness deep in my soul
I still got a purpose to serve
So let your light shine, into my hole
God, don’t let me lose my nerve
Lose my nerve
Hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now
Wo oh hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now
Hey now, all you sinners
Put your lights on, put your lights on
Hey now, all you children
Leave your lights on, you better leave your lights on
Because there’s a monster living under my bed
Whispering in my ear
There's an angel, with a hand on my head
She say's I’ve got nothing to fear
La ill aha ill allah
We all shine like stars
We all shine like stars
Then we fade away[/QUOTE
THAT is my signature!!!!!....Kahlia Just kidding...isn't it an awesome song????