Congrats Bashforth and GreatGatsby -- two years is amazing!
Wow Nomis. That must've been frightening - I'm glad you were able to do the right thing and no one got hurt. I'm amazed how sobriety how can make us grateful in so many situations. And more empathetic as well. I definitely used to think things like "how could anyone do that?", "I would never do that"...until I became one of those people and did and said things I never thought I would...not robbing houses obviously, but you know what I mean. Now I see things in a different light and it makes me so grateful for recovery. Also much more grateful for the simple things...like being able to drive with my kids any time of day without worry, not having to worry about my husband or kids finding my secret stash or finding me drinking at inappropriate times, waking up feeling good in the morning, remembering what I say and do...the list goes on.
Thought I'd share a couple things...this weekend I was going through some old papers and found a little journal/calendar from when I was struggling to quit. I was never consistent about journaling, but as I kept grasping for different ways to stay sober, I tried it a few times. There were two different months where I jotted down how I was feeling and made marks whether I drank or not. It was really hard and sad to look at. It brought me back to those days of the horrible anxiety, shame and guilt and the viscious cycle I kept myself in for so long. Anyway I felt a little down and ashamed about it. I thought of ripping that journal up and throwing it away - I thought that might be therapeutic - but mostly because I hated reading it. I decided to keep it just in case I ever need a reminder of where I was. Also, I'm working on a Christmas gift and I'm going through old pictures. Looking at family pictures from my drinking years makes me sad and ashamed. There are some pictures where I know I let alcohol take priority over what was going on, there are some that just remind me of my behavior and my struggles and there are some that have nothing to do with drinking but that's all I think about when I look at them - is my struggle with drinking during that period of our lives. I hope someday I can look at them and see what everyone else does - beautiful memories of special events and happy times - and not just be reminded of a dark period in my life. So I'm working on a change in perspective. I'm trying to let go of the shame and working on forgiving myself. I think that's an important next step to move forward in my recovery, but it is hard.
This made me laugh! So true...
Take care every one, and get ready for the holidays, all recovering alcoholics favorite time of the year!
I'm trying to shop and decorate early so that the season won't be so stressful, I'll let you know how that goes
One last thing...my family is gathering at my sister's house for Thanksgiving. We all help in the cooking and are "assigned" to bring certain items. Guess who they put in charge of beverages this year?!? Yup, me! I hope if anyone wants beer or wine with dinner they bring it themselves, because I'm not!
Take care everyone - I'm grateful for all of you
