hummingbird - I'm going to come here from the other side of the fence. Yes, I'm both a recovering A with many loved ones who are A's, I'm also an RA.
I was WAY older than your son when I found drugs. I abused one thing, then another, then found crack which was my bottom.
If it had not been for my dad and other loved ones saying "I love you, but I will NOT help you carry on this path", I would not be nearing 8 years in recovery.
I had to hit bottom - homeless and all that went with it. Lived that way for a couple of years. Got tired of the consequences, and there were many. My loved ones were going on with their lives and I finally realized that to be a part of their lives, I had to get myself together.
I performed CPR, then buried my stepmom last year. With all my knowledge of addiction and codpendency (she was a major codependent), I couldn't get through to her.
We do what we can, and sometimes it's really, really hard. FWIW, when I got clean and was living at dad's, I had to have a job, make myself accountable at all times. It was like being 16 years old, again, and drove me crazy, but I brought it on myself!
It took me digging a really deep hole, suffering anxiety/depression/self-hatred and other things to want to dig myself out of that hole.
Hope this helps.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy