I don't know about you.. but this disease wants me dead and it will settle for isolated, loaded and without hope. It's crazy that I went back to it, but it only takes a second- bam-
I had 15 months clean and things were going so well. Had a car again, income.. etc.
Maybe I just didn't think meetings were quite as important ,as I did in the beginning. Wasn't talking to my sponsor.. I was a little busy.
***This is where the road forks****
Humility has new meaning for me and as I try to find my way back to the road of happy destiny... I realize how awesome Sobreity can be.
They say you have to "get done" - this disease has literally chewed me up and spit me out and i'm trying to grip onto its tongue. (ridiculous)
People, places and things.. go to slippery places - see slippery people - do slippery things.. I have hit a new low that far precedes my previous use. All I can do now is pray... I know God is merciful and full of grace and no human means can deliver me from this torment. I ask every day for God to restore me to sanity and pray the 3rd step prayer.
faith without works is dead... so why can't i walk back into a meeting? Pride, fear, selfishness, false ego? Yep.. I look into their faces and they ache for me. I just don't want to disappoint them. So, I stay away. Driven by a thousand forms of fear!!
Its hard to be in active alcoholism/addiction when your head is full of AA...
still a work in progress
well - im open to suggestions - (sober so far today)