nxtjen....I have not had a partner who was alcoholic...but, as a medical professional, I have dealt with many alcoholics from detox to early recovery......
I can tell you that your "problem" is very, VERY common.
For men..the problem can be very glaring, because they can't fake a cure (so to speak).
In fact, it is so common that I had a urologist that I routinely referred these patients to. He was, as a urologist, trained to ferret out the physical as opposed to the psychological issues in low or absent libido. He and I also had a couple of therapists that we would refer patients to, if that ever seemed indicated.
I can tell you this much....it is a very complex issue. It isn't just so black and white: He is either turned on by me/ or he isn't-- and therefore, doesn't love me enough.
For men...the more pressure they feel to perform....the less likely it is to happen.
And, another thing...men are reluctant (in general) to talk about it. When I asked the male alcoholic how his sex life was going....he would mumble something about it being "fine". When I asked the wife about it..she would laugh and tell me it had been so long ago that she couldn't even remember...Lol!
I will make a suggestion: If he has not been seen by a urologist (very preferrably, male)...I would suggest that your husband go in and talk to one...if the situation goes on and he is concerned about it. This is a common issue that they see in their practice all the time.
I do understand your feelings about it. If the sex life is o.k.--it feels like about 10% of the relationship. The minute it is not o.k.--it feels like 90% of the relationship.
I would say this much to you....don't panic. It isn't about your attractiveness or desirability. Your husband is just now learning how to just navigate life from day to day. This is a delicate and complex issue that may take a while longer to be restored. You can always co nsult with the experts if you need to.
dandylion