I sort of get in trouble when I recommend reading some about some on This Topic in the sober men's forums, or women's, like on here -- so I will not suggest that.
But suffice it to say -- what you are describing is not uncommon.
In general, as a rule of thumb -- it takes about a year to "see" what came out of the oven after detox, rehab, and working (or not) a Program. Again, In general, after that becomes "What you see is what you get."
For some of us, that turns out to be a good thing. For others, not so much.
Your Mileage May Vary.
Not much you can do about that side (the A side of things). Per the AA Big Book -- A's work best with A's. And per our and Alanon observations -- The Friends and Families work best with the Friends and Family.
So WHAT can we do for YOU? (has NOTHING to do with HIM).
We tend to find we get better when we work on us.