nxtjen

This is my first post on this site. My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic who has been clean for 9 months. Before getting clean, he was a VERY heavy drinker and had almost destroyed his body at the end. After going through detox and a residential treatment program, he is home and doing great. Although he isn't so confident to think it will always be this way, so far he has been lucky to not have alcohol cravings or the nightmares and anxiety that many others have reported. Overall he is calm and grateful and doing just fantastic. I am so, so proud of him. It's almost a miracle to me that he is doing so well so early.

However, I am so frustrated with his lack of libido. And I am frustrated with myself for being frustrated... I think I need some reassurance that it will get better and/or tips on how to best manage this from my end. Although he is very sweet and loves to cuddle, he has absolutely zero desire for sex, and he isn't remotely aroused by me (or anyone.) I am not trying to sound conceited, but I am an attractive woman, and in the past, we did have a remarkable chemistry, although about 3 months or so before he quit drinking, his desire ebbed substantially. I am trying so hard to be patient, and I'm not getting ready to leave him or anything, but the lack of chemistry and desire is heart breaking to me. I never realized how important that was until it was gone. I know logically that it isn't personal, but when I am standing naked in front of him, but that does nothing for him, it's nearly impossible not to take it personally. It makes me so sad, and I think part of me is terrified that he will never look at me the way that he used to. He promises me that he does find me attractive and there is no one on the planet he wants more, but he says his libido is just completely trashed and he just doesn't have that desire right now. It isn't even low libido - it's zero libido.

I want to support him and will continue to do so, and again, I am SO proud of him for getting clean and for doing so well. And I feel selfish to be so upset and worried about the libido. I don't know if anyone here has had something similar, but I would appreciate any thoughts you have. Both regarding how to handle the lack of sex drive as the partner of the recovering addict AND any thoughts on a time frame for when the sex drive normally returns. I just wonder if this is a normal part of the process. THANK YOU. And I hope I don't sound whiny or ungrateful... I wish the low libido didn't bother me so much, but I can't help that it does, so I wanted to reach out and see what others have experienced in this arena.