Originally Posted by
Thatdeliveryguy 
Im really painting myself crazy an reluctat, I struggle with being m. Sad and dejected I go forth, alcoholism is a battle I am losing.
alcohol has kicked all of our asses but you cant let it win, unless you look forward to agonizing death or jail. the back and forth you are doing is going to get someone hurt. you are only this sad when you are drunk. when sober you are always hopeful. earlier today i read about a great therapist at your outpatient. i was so happy for you. I agree with suki, you have to go inpatient.
i'm so sorry you are going through this.