I think sometimes we can find being the 'failure' really familiar Jeremy...especially when we're on the cusp of something new and scary...
here's something to consider...being sober and staying on your meds is always going to be scary.... until you do it, and you make it work.
The more times you baulk at it and drink again, the harder it will be to get back to a point where you can try again.
You can be the drunken failure if you want...but if you do, you'll never get to be that marvellous dad husband and good guy you wrote about a few days back.
It's a big call.
Good things come with a price...the price is change, and change is scary.
I think you can handle it...but you need to believe it yourself...and you'll never believe if you keep baulking at the last minute and never try....
D