Hi Matilda.
I could hardly continue to visit SR with all the sadness, pain and regret were it not for the tremendous support people so willingly give to each other. I can't know your experience, but I do identify with your sadness, your grief.
There were plenty of healthy babies born before we accepted that drinking and smoking during pregnancy was not a good thing to do. And plenty of otherwise healthy women have miscarried or given birth to children with physical and psychological challenges.
I've been married, but never had children. I was always told I'd make a great father, but I think it's truer to say that I'll make a very good old man. My mother tells me that it seems that I was born to take care of other people's children.
We can't make everything right in each others' lives, but we can be there for each other when needed. You and many others have done a very good job with that.