I posted above, Briar, before I read your second post. I think you will find many mothers feel overwhelmed and have feelings of being totally stressed out and frazzled, and unable to find the joy in their parenting. I do not say that to diminish your feelings and pain, but to reassure you that you are not some sort of freak. But, you sound very sad, and seem to recognize your depression. Do you have a therapist?
I remember the years when my younger child was a baby and toddler, and my husband was travelling regularly, my father was having health problems, and my daughter had life threatening food allergies and was in preschool and elementary school years. I found little joy in parenting then, and it is a blur in my memory. But my kids adore me and think I am a great mom. Yours do too.
Keep talking, Briar. Don't withdraw. and if you feel really low, do see your doctor who cares for your depression. Someone mentioned meds, so I presume you do have a doctor who helps you with this. Sometimes, the depression makes it hard to take action, but that is just what we need to get well.
