He baited the hook with a guilt trip. "I know you hate me" and a promise to change. That's like catnip to someone in a relationship with an abusive alcoholic. Of course we have to respond, we can't have someone erroneously believing that we hate them! And look, he promised to be nice because I told him he was mean. He LISTENED to me, he's going to CHANGE for me. I know that feeling. It is as addictive as any drug.
Why was acceptable for him to be mean in the first place? I know you miss his family, but that's not a reason to get sucked back into an abusive relationship dynamic. What benefit is there in maintaining contact with someone you have to constantly remind to show you respect? You already said that being stuck with him kept you from meeting other people. I know we have this lovely, civilized notion about being friends with exes, but when the ex is an abusive alcoholic, what would you really get out of it?