Pam/Raider - Hope you don't mind if I speak frankly. I know you lost your sister recently and apparently "out of the blue". Two things: Your loss is recent and it was without warning. You didn't have time to prepare for your grief. That is huge. That is what people experience in traumatic situations, like car accidents or a criminal act, like murder. You MUST give yourself time and support. That is the only way to deal with the pain.
My sister was "murdered" in the 9/11 attacks. She was 54 when she died. I am older than her now. That whole situation was incredibly hard to deal with. I went into a tailspin. The whole world was mourning these attacks and I had to watch it over and over on TV. I never thought I would get through it. The pain was so intense. But... in time, the pain faded (never completely gone). The saying "time heals all wounds" is false. It only makes the wounds less painful, but they are never completely gone.
There is no time table regarding grief. It is a highly individual experience. But, don't wound yourself over and over by demanding so much of yourself. Try to heal.