A recent earlier thread of yours discusses at three years not having made amends. Do you not think perhaps you're ready for this step? What is your sponsors opinion?
Maybe some of the disharmony is due to in part to this???
I honestly do not think that this disharmony is because of that maybe a little? but not much. That doesnt mean I dont have to or shouldnt make ammends tho in my mind.
I'm really stuck on making ammends with her. In my mind my actions speak volumes and that ammends. Its very possible that she still would very much like to hear an apology of sorts. I have a disconnect in my head as an apology the words would mean very little to me sure they might mean something to her but what meant a lot to me was the 3+ years of sobriety and action. So to now apologize and such feel it might be empty on my part to some degree. I guess I might even have some anger that hey how come my actions for the last 3 years where not good enough?
I keep telling myself she probably would just like to hear it and for her sake I shoudl probably just say it. But I'd like there to be some substance in my words and i'm just at a loss for the right words and when I thnk of something decent I think do i really mean this? I mean the actions for the last few years but this now? I feel as if i'm going through the motions IE its just a formality and I dont like that it feels that way.
Sometimes she will complain I do not compliment her. well I've tried to but my version of a compliment is diff. I might say something like you stuck with that new thing your where gonna do. (acknowledging it) rather then hey you stuck with that new thing your gonna do good job (complimenting). I also dont just give out compliments unless i mean them so they dont come easily out of me. Top that off with 99% of the time if i do compliment her i get hit with "you just wanna get in my pants" it pretty much turns me off with trying to dishout compliments (yes i've told her all this and she still does it).
what is everyones take on my issues with ammends. I probably just need to get over myself and apologize. I just wanna be sure I mean those words. Yeah I know i got the actions to back that up but apparently those actions dont mean much.