Hadlbran

I posted yesterday I believe (maybe Monday?) that my best friend is the active A in my life. She recently got in a car accident and almost died due to her driving under the influence.

For a while now I have detached myself from that part of her life because it became too much for me to handle and too hard to see her doing that to herself. I went to Al-anon with a friend of mine and learned quite a bit. I never thought I woud be able to set boundaries but I finally did.

Well, while setting boundaries, her and I became less close. I didn't want to be a part of her drinking life because she could not just have one or two or three or four, she had to have so many to where she could not talk or walk. Every single night she'd be out with her "friends" (who are only her drinking friends and not true friends) and her and I started to drift apart mainly because I didn't want to know about that part of her life.

So now she gets in this horrific accident, almost dies, and she calls me - who is SUPPOSE to be her best friend - 3 days after it happened. I am a little hurt because everyone else found out first - all the people that okay her drinking - which is everyone in her life but me.

Yesterday I was suppose to help her brother take her home from the hospital and then she told him she didn't want me to help and to call his girlfriend who she can't stand. I was pretty hurt because although I don't condone her partying and especially never have condoned her drinking and driving, I have been the only one in her life to support her, lift her up when she was down, and just BE there for her - if it didin't involve her drinking.

Is this normal for an A to be angry at the co-dependent person that has learned to set boundaries? I am going through a mix of emotions right now wondering if I went about setting boundaries completely wrong and if I have just been a horrible friend because I haven't "been there" for her. I find it so hard to "be there" for someone that literally gets wasted every single day - goes out and parties every single night (and that is not an exaggeration - it LITERALLY was every single night) and misses work and doesn't pay bills because the alcohol became more important. I found it too hard on ME to watch her do this to her life so I chose not be there for THAT part of her life. But maybe by doing that I have messed up as a friend because that WAS her entire life.

I go from feeling so mad to so hurt to feeling VERY guilty to feeling horrible about myself - and then right back to mad, sad, etc...

She is my best friend and have I really let her down by setting these boundaries? Have I really screwed up as a friend - am I a horrible friend? Am I doing this 'trying not to be co-dependent' thing right and is it normal for the A to be mad in a time like this?

Could someone please give me some insight as I am hurting once again today.

THANKS!