Yes Maia1234 I now find myself grateful for all the times the A did not help with the diy jobs. In my new house I have been able to do just about everything - , drilling holes for curtain rails, painting, wallpapering, putting up new lights and even using a multimeter to find which wire was the switch live! I buy old /antique furniture from charity shops that is broken and am able to fix it!
They are sick as this is a disease they have. A progressive disease so it gets worse with time. It does not stay the same. I can't believe I used to rely on a sick person for my sense of well being - actually I realize now that I wasn't fair to him . He was not capable of looking after himself - let alone me and a family.
The biggest advantage though I must say is that I have learnt that somebody cannot continue to belittle and insult you after you detach, it takes two to fight and once I started to 'mind my own business' I became less obssessed and stopped going back for more bad treatment.
Even good changes can feel uncomfortable so I have had to learn to be patient, to listen. Listening at meetings helps especially chairing a meeting. Also listening to my higher power - I know I am not alone. Just a 5 minute call to my sponsor when I am fretting can make all the difference. When I reached out for help - I felt better. The A is what makes us feel bad and so cannot also be what will EVER make us feel better.