I think one of the main problems when living with an 'A' is that we think of this as 'normal' life . It is not. It is possible to live a life when your worst days simply include being a bit irritable or not getting the dessert you wanted. Time helps a lot. Just being out of the crazy environment helps even if you still feel awful. The denial we build up is also huge - all I used to want to know was that one day we would end up together. But once you detach and start to heal you will feel better about yourself. Other men sense this. I have had many offers - a while ago I would have jumped at these. Now I enjoy my own company and if I don't feel someone has something really special to offer me - I am not interested. We get as addicted to the 'A's as they are to alcohol. I used to think I could not live without mine and many many times I just wanted to die. The pain was horrendous. Working the Al-anon program turned my life around - especially working the 4th step. The main thing for me was the acceptance and love from al-anon.
A large part of living with alcoholism for us is simply abusive. We stay because it's what we are used to. Once I got a sponsor and started to work the steps it gave me the courage to say - maybe he is wrong! Maybe I am okay and not this awful person he says I am.
I started to realize that I was scared of being alone but I was already alone - I was scared of taking care of myself but I had already been doing that for many years. All that really changed was I did not have somebody around me constantly bringing me down and making the home situation worse.
I used to be terrified of divorce - I felt it was breaking up our family - now while it is not a 'fun' thing to be doing I see it as a process like moving house, you have to take away the old to make way for the new. For the first time since I was a teenager I am excited about the future. I don't expect someone who is sick to be reasonable anymore and having no expectations has helped keep me grounded.
Even when we are doing the right thing it takes a long time (sometimes) before we start to feel better. Easy does it.