merrygoround1. If you look around at the rest of the world.....you will see that the majority of families take the "side" of their own child at the time of a break-up. There are some exceptions, of course, but, that doesn't seem to be the norm. This is even in spite of whatever the dynamics in the relationship were.
It seems to be an inevitable part of the unpleasant fallout from divorce.
I found exactly the same thing when I divorced my children's father. And the years have proven that that was a very wise decision on my part!!
It seem that it is much easier to find fault with someone else's child than ones own. Human nature?
They are (elderly?).....and, they are in denial and ignorant about the nature of alcoholism...which is not unusual, either.
I wold bet that most of their anger is that they have an adult child that they "have" to manage. They probably wish with all their hearts that you would take that "job" off their hands!
Are you absolutely sure that he is totally sober?
If he is not focused on working a strong program of sobriety....his current good behavior is not l ikely to last. They will get fed-up, eventually, if that happens.
My suggestion for you is to just continue to stay on your side of the street, as you have been....because, ultimately, you have no more control over them than you have of him.
I want to tell you how much I know it hurts to have your in-laws say or think less than good things about you. I remember, well...that it just plain hurts.
I did get past all that...over time. It got much easier after the divorce process was final and the dust settled.
(I did remain civil and respectful in the limited contact that we did have...for the sake of the grandchildren).
It might help some if you keep your contact with them to just the necessary stuff about the children.
My promise to you: It will get easier over time.
dandylion