Originally Posted by
BooJudeBoo 
I was up all night last night. He said he was going to go play some pool and come home. I woke up at 3 and he wasn't here. He spent the night at a friends. My kids asked why dad didn't stay here last night and all I could say is I don't know. I called him and he answered and said he had to go get my car from the bar. I tossed and turned and worried all night. I've come to conclusion that I need to stop worrying about someone who doesn't even give a crap about me.
So sorry you and your kids are in this situation. It is exhausting to essentially be the only adult in the house, especially with young kids.
I used to lay awake and hope my ex WOULDN'T come home, because there was always hell to pay. He'd come slamming in, flip on all the lights, scream and cuss, because if he was awake, then everyone else had to be. Because, you know, the world revolved around him.
None of my tears, pleas, nagging, pouring out bottles or just generally worrying myself into a frenzy ever changed his behavior one bit. Because all that stuff revolved around him.
I had to let go of the idea that anything I did was ever going to make a bit of difference to him. No magic words from me were going to make him see the light and suddenly quit drinking. Any control I thought I had over him was an illusion. Not because he hated me or drank to upset me, but because he is an alcoholic who has yet to admit that he is powerless over alcohol and that his life has become unmanageable.