Originally Posted by
desypete 
yes i come from the side of action as words mean nothing to me unless they come from real personal ex[erience of course
Ok. Do not really follow what that means, but I guess since I do have experience in this . .. well I am not really sure what that even means in your context. But let's go on . . . .
its far to easy to tell others to put the kids first and that mean they will have to face being a single parent to the kids
No one said ANYTHING about single parent or anything related to that in this discussion . . . did they? I mean other than you, right? That is where this is coming from? Your projection that not treating an A "special" or that the "kids-come-first" some how equals that Boo, or I, or whomever will suddenly find themselves a single parent?
I will grant you that some or even many A's will or may have a Throw-down, Crybaby, Temper Tantrum when we stop doing the Caretaker routine.
Mine did. Total Temper Tantrums . . . a few times over. Threatening to relapse, running around to anyone who would listen making up just ridiculous lies. Telling the kids lies to the point they wound up in Alateen and just quit listening to her nonsense. In the end, she -- as most A's -- just wound up making herself look like an ass.
all sorts of hardships come with it that does make them think that they might as well stay like they are
Yep, would agree that for many A's that "A" should really stand for A-hole, and like a real Anus, they will try to sh1t on everyone and everything around.
We have discussed that with the Rabbit and Bear story. You know that story?
a lot of al anon members i know in my area are still living with drinking partners because they simply do not want to face life on there own so they put up with it or worse a non drinking partner who is doing nothing about themselves
Understood.
We (Alanon) even discuss that condition in our opening to our meetings . . .
"... we discover that no situation is really hopeless, and that it is possible for us to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not."
i can understand that part of things but what i dont understand is how they can then try to direct others to take actions that many of them have never done ?
Who do you believe is doing that?
i am not saying its not wrong advice to put the kids first as that is the way to go but when puch comes to shove it means breaking up a family home and when faced with that option many would rather stick with what they know rather than jump into the unknown
The only folks I see on here who are urging ANYONE to break up families are pretty much from our side as High Drama folks. They self-create terrible crisis in their own households and then urge others to do the same. Most folks just sort of drive by or view them as a cautionary tale.