happyandfree

.....it's Friday night and my three kids are packing up to leave tomorrow. They've been here for 3 weeks. The family reunion was in the middle for 5 days. I took time off work but worked yesterday and today. I am tired. I have no desire to drink tonight but I'm thinking about tomorrow. When I get home from the airport it will be just me and my dogs. The house will be quiet and empty. I will probably be sad and missing my kids. I gave an unopened bottle of wine away today cause I didn't want it in my house. But the thing is, I won't want a glass of wine or a drink...I will want to get smashed. I envision getting sloshed and having a time out and not having to deal with my feelings about the visit, the reunion, my sisters unpleasantness, and my kids being far away again. Just a short break, just to relax. But then I come on this site and I read about people's suffering. I hate this affliction of alcoholism. It really stinks. I don't want to have to go through the early days of getting sober again. It was so hard, but I did it. The short period of pleasure would not be worth the misery that would follow. So I guess I answered my own question. Hopefully I will be able to deal with it tomorrow and just come home and rest.. Maybe I'll rent a movie and get some ICE CREAM! Thanks for listening. I'm sure I'll be on here a lot tomorrow.