NightNDay

I grew up learning (from family) that alcoholism "was not a disease" and that people who claimed that were just too weak to admit they didn't have the willpower to stop drinking.

For years, I've carried that belief with me, and it is only in the past week that I have truly began to come around to believing and seeing that this IS a disease. One challenge I have heard in the past is that people who have diseases (like, say, multiple sclerosis) have them whether they are asleep or awake. An alcoholic only "has" his/her disease while awake, so, therefore, it is not valid. It's a personality flaw, not a chemical one. But if you take that same argument, than you could also discount things like depression and schizophrenia as being diseases, because technically a person doesn't "have them" while they are sleeping, either.

My point being, this whole idea of it as being a disease is very new to me. Of course I've heard it before, but I've never accepted it nor believed it.

I am now beginning to see just how sick I have been, and this has actually come as a great relief to me. My life is an absolute wreck from every possible direction -- financially, career, relationships, family, and so on. But if I stop and recognize that I have been very, very sick for very, very long then it all starts to make sense. The missed deadlines, the lost jobs, the unkept promises, etc. are all manifestations of me being so unwell.

It is my fault that I have chosen to refuse treatment before now. So, with that in mind, it is MY fault that my life is such a huge wreck. However, as long as I am willing to do the work and face my disease head on -- and accept all treatment as required and follow the recovery program to a "T" -- then, perhaps, I can stop having the awful side effects of this disease of alcoholism. I can become a responsible person. I can mend relationships with my family. I can have a career once again.

Did anyone else find it hard to accept the idea that alcoholism truly was a disease? I really still struggle with this and I still struggle with feeling like it's a cop out for me to consider myself sick.