Last times on the sauce have been put me in spots where I literally become what looks like a bum. Unshaven unshowered, crawling my way into the liquor store for a fifth of medicine. I look at how people look at me and I think at how crazy it is, if these people had just seen me a few weeks ago they wouldn't believe I was the same person.
Even with that shame, enduring the withdrawals by just pacing around my apartment for two days after stopping. I still want to jump into a 30 rack head first just 19 days removed from this latest nightmare.