I had to differentiate between love and need. I admitted I didn't trust, respect or like him but contended I loved him. What it came down to was denial and rationalization to continue an abusive, dysfunctional relationship. I needed the drama and a self-destructive part of me felt I deserved that treatment, a realization I had when long out of the relationship. Recovery takes brutal honesty, especially with oneself.
I've read that at the heart of all addiction, including codependency, is low self-esteem and now I clearly get that. But it took a lot of hard work in Alanon.