What do you mean when you say "I love him"?
Open question.
Because it was one that stumped me when my sponsor put it to me back when I was still married to AXH.
I couldn't answer it.
I mean, it's obvious what "I love him" means, isn't it?
It wasn't for me. When I tried to explain that I had been so blessed in life, and then-AH had not had the love and attention and appreciation that I had growing up, my sponsor said, "that's not love, that's pity."
When I said, "he's such a brilliant, funny guy when he's not drinking" she said "that's not love, that's wishing away part of the person you're married to."
And round and round we went.
At the end of our (sometimes heated) exchange, I had to admit that my sponsor was right. I couldn't define what I meant when I said I loved him. All it meant was that I had a feeling for then-AH that I called "love" -- but that my definition of it didn't seem to have any foundation in reality.
"Until you can differentiate between love and pity," she said, "maybe you should be careful using that word."
I just wanted to share that. For me, it was a big turnaround point.