I understand what you're saying, as there was no doubt I was selfmedicating as well, stress and anxiety mainly.
There was a time I believed alcohol actually allowed me to achieve things I normally wouldn't have. Today I believe this is a lie, as I only see alcohol taking things away from my life.
There are other ways to "deal".
For me, exercise is really, really big. It helps my brain and body in a far more sustainable way. Drinking always catches up to you, no matter how good you get at it. Also, make no mistake, your challenges are not unique. It was easy for me to be narcissistic to the point of ignoring others valuable experience and advice.
SR is brilliant for the opportunity to learn from others who have "been there".