Rso

Hi, do I even belong here? I'm not in recovery, and not sure that I can completely stop drinking.

I seem to always find myself in the same situation- saying that I'd like to not get drunk anymore and then end up getting drunk, and dealing with the consequences. The hangover, lost time, poor mental state, etc.

I find it hard not to rely on alcohol. I do care about my health, but I feel this particular drug works for me in some ways. It calms my anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed, and loneliness. It helps with the symptoms I have from schizoaffective disorder (meds don't work). I'm a musician/songwriter, and that lifestyle along with feelings of vulnerability can be a challenge to deal with without drinking.

Does anyone here ever feel like you're stuck? Like you want to be able to control your drinking and/or make some changes, but there are solid reasons that make you keep drinking? It's really hard to go more than 3 or 4 days without binging and knocking down the mind to a place where things slow down and I can hide for a while. It's kind of a painful cycle.

Thanks.