You've hit the wall. I know it well. I hit it about 3 months after I served my STBXAH, and re hit it every few weeks. No biggy. It's just a wall. Walls can be gotten over or gone around.
For me, my "wall" is the harsh realization that I can't blame all of my troubles on my STBXAH. Try as I might. His alcoholism gave me a great excuse to lay all of my faults, particularly financial, on his doorstep. Now my life, my choices are my own. Gulp!
You're "wall" may be different. It sounds like you may need to think about the role that relationships play in your life, and how you choose your partners. Your picker may be a bit off, and may need to be adjusted. That's a fairly common problem on these boards.
For both of us the solution, I think, comes down to diligently working our own recovery. Learning to value ourselves enough to want to get through this. It's a process, just like what the A needs to go through, requiring introspection and dedication.
The walls that we hit aren't necessarily bad things when you look at it in that light. We feel pain because something needs to change. Something needs to be tweaked, or fixed, or maybe thrown out entirely. Tears aren't always bad. Though sometimes I wish I could bottle them and sell them for profit. That would certainly solve
my problems.
Good luck moving through this.