I wanted to share something that happened this week. I think it's important, and probably something that many of us in addiction have shared.
I think we're pack animals. At the core, we are tribal in nature. Yet this modern world has many influences that place increasing distance between us. How many of us scarcely know our own neighbors, much less spend any heartful time with them? When was the last time - apart from perhaps an AA meeting - many of us sat with other human beings and shared deeply? How many of us have a 'council of elders' in our lives???
Well for me, I know that being connected heartfully with other human beings is important. I have this with my Lady - but I mean beyond that. And, I mean outside of romantic relationship or family. Life can be so isolating.... and so many people are wandering through it in quiet isolation. Even many folks who appear to have 'so many friends' can be lonely and have a hole deep within - because being around other people doesn't necessarily equate to being WITH people.
So the other day I mentioned to a friend that I really enjoyed being part of her yoga class and that I had intended to connect with her fiancee because he seems like such a sincere and centered man, and I have begun to really recognize and feel the lack of good male friendship in my life. The lack of a "tribe". So the next day the guy reaches out and says hey, I heard you were up for a hike or something. And so yesterday, we got together and went for a hike for about an hour in newfallen snow in the fall woods along a rushing river. We talked about life. About frustrations and joys. We shared perspectives and in doing so found common experience. What I found in it was connection, feedback, a sense of camaraderie, a feeling of not being alone. Walking in nature, not staring at a screen. Being surrounded by serenity and having another of my kind sharing, hearing, seeing me in kindred sincerity.
How rare this is today in the world. How lacking in my life. How essential to being a Whole Human.
So one step in my recovery process, one action in my joyful sobriety, is building and spending time with my Tribe. I have a feeling that the anxiety and depression and emotional turbulence I have been dealing with is in part a symptom of being isolated. Disconnected from my Tribe. A man needs other men. A man needs heartful sharing. A man needs other warriors by his side. I'm sure a woman needs all of these things too - I only speak with the male voice here because that is my experience.
May you all have a happy, sober day today.
(and thank you for being my 'virtual tribe'. You are also essential.)