Well..I don't know what HOCD is but I do know..that my tendency to "obsess" on things is at the roots of my addiction. There is sooo much going on here for you Stewy regarding your relationship with both your daughter and your ex. I too winced a little when I read your characterization of her as "extremely volatile and manipulative" given the fact that in the next breath you state that you shared the August incident regarding your daughter with her. If you truly believed that...24/7....would you have discussed the incident with her?
I am in no way minimizing your pain or trying to invoke any further shame or negativity as I'm sure you are swimming in buckets of it right now.
This kind of stuff happens in sobriety...it happens just like it did when we were drinking and we circumvented process (and added insult to injuries) by drinking ourselves unconscious.
You want to "check out" ..believe me I get it. I'm not yet 5 months sober and I've had moments just like you're in (albeit the circumstances were different of course)..
These are the moments where we NEED to be sober...where we need to endure and get on through to the other side. Because when you get to the other side? Man..you feel awesome...AND you get the GIFTS of INSIGHT as to what was truly going on..and what you need to do... and you get actually PROUD of yourself...you feel GOOD...rather than hating yourself..
You CAN do this Stewy. Don't give up...it will pass...this dark cloud will dissipate and the sun will return. Just get on through.
It's never as bad as you think...especially for "awfulizers" like ourselves : )