Stewy84

Hi guys

Not had a good day so far, initially started with a phone call from my ex partner who is an extremely volatile, manipulative character. She wanted to inform me that my daughter was scared of me and frightened and that she didn't want to stay over at mine at the weekend anymore. I had an issue in August which was a one off, I smacked my daughters legs because she would not go to bed. It was 3am and we had been out all day at a wedding. I have regretted it ever since and at the time I spoke to my ex partner and told her, stupidly thinking she would apply a bit of empathy to the situation and actually understand. I also believe in trying to discuss things with her about my daughter however this can backfire to my detriment at times and sets things back.

I am with my daughter now and have had another phone call to say when I drop her off later, my ex partner wants to "sort it all out". The tone of the call was aggressive and unpleasant. I feel a bit empty right now, dreading dropping her off.

I feel very tired and low on energy today, I am currently with my sister and daughter and am very quiet, haven't been able to get out of my head all day really. Is this normal to feel this way?

I have struggled with intrusive thoughts in the past and something called HOCD ( well this I believe is an internet led diagnosis but it matched what was happening at the time) this is rearing it's ugly head in waves at the minute. Like I say, not a good day! It's hitting my self esteem hard and not in a good way.

I need to hit a reset button and drinking provided escape - I'm fighting at the moment, buying cans was the go to plan but I know that's ridiculous. I'm also stressing out about my situation with my girlfriend which seems strained at present and I'm very worried that the bind with her will break as time goes on. I'm struggling with the daily grind

And today, is a grind, I have to drop my daughter off at 7