I think these were good points:
The toxic combination of fear, anger, worry do a lot of damage to us emotionally and physically. I liked this quote " it wears on your heart both figuratively and physiologically. You may have got to the point where the only way you show love toward this person is by worrying"
When my husband started acting distant to me, it was because he was using but I didnt know it at the time. I could sense something was wrong, thought it was stress but I sensed a change at that point things were already shifting out of balance and while he was pulling away and being distant I was thinking more about him and worrying what is wrong. It only got worse when I realized he was actually shooting up drugs, and then when he was very sick. Worry was the #1 feeling I had when I thought about him.
Ive come to realize in the midst of the crisis I was in this was ok, it was the normal behavioral response, any caring person would feel this way.
But you cant allow worry to remain up there at the top of the relationship list or it undermines everything you have together. I started working on this when he was in rehab, because I realized my reactions are something I have control over.
It goes to the list of things I have control over too:
How comfortable I am right now
How optimistic I am
Viewing life as a system of experiments
My habitual reactions
What I pay attention to
Not allowing myself to see things only in black/white because its too simplistic
How I express my concerns
How I show my love (this isnt on the book list, but its on mine)