I know this may sound awful but maybe your wife’s lack of interest will work to your advantage.
I think for many people that are already in a relationship with another person that is in direct contact with us whether that be because they are married, BF/GF, children, mother/father etc. where that person lives with the recovering alcoholic we find that we need to split our recovery time while still trying to maintain a relationship. This can be difficult.
The wife or husband needs to make time for recovery AND their spouse. The daughter or son needs to make time for recovery AND their ailing parent. The mother or father need to make time for recovery AND their children. At times that can spread a person pretty thin. Many of us still need to work, eat and sleep.
We need to get a little selfish and that is hard on the other people in our lives. We want to be better now and they want us to be better now. Many do not understand that we need the time and space to work on us so we can be there for them. So many have been robbed of precious time already and they do not understand the obsession.
She does not understand why you can’t just stop drinking beer and you can’t understand why she can’t just set down the tablet and be intimate. In the end it does not matter. Understanding is not going to solve the problem, action is going to address the issue.
In your case, and maybe this is me looking for the blessing in disguise, don’t seem to have this hurdle. You are retired so you do not have to report to work everyday. You wife is detached so you do not have to find time to make sure that relationship does not suffer.
You can throw all of your time into recovery. You do not have to split the baby.
My advice is to do just that. Make no decisions about your wife, your marriage or what or what your relationship is not at this point. Throw yourself into recovery and let that sit on the side while you get better, while you heal, while you learn to deal with life as a sober person, let you wife deal with her own issues for now.
It can be addressed later, or not. That can be something that happens down the road when you are ready. One thing I have learned is that I can make a decision now but I do not have to act on it now. I can wait a day, a week a month or a year. I am giving myself time to let that decision sink in. In some cases I did act on it and in others I changed my mind. It is important to be patient with others but also to be patient with myself. I owe myself the chance to make the best choice for me and I can't do that if my mind is not in the best place to make that choice.
I am not saying I never make mistakes, I do all the time, but today I can at least give myself the advantage of a level paying field or at least closer to one if I wait to make major decisions.