It sounds to me as if you have a good head on your shoulders. Someone who did the right thing and is not going to be a codependent. Here's how I know you're being jerked around: real love never blames. Anyone who sends guilt your way is not loving you - they are trying to get you to do what they want. You are actually showing him more love and concern by giving him room to relapse and not trying to fix it for him. In this way, you don't become a victim of his disease. It's terrible to lose one's father, but it's way worse to drink through losing one's father when you're an alcoholic - it isn't going to make things any easier (just the opposite) but it sounds like he'll need to figure that out on his own. He's a man - let him reap what he's sowing, as hard as that is to watch when you care about him.
Some would disagree but there are some groups that provide strategies for helping get someone you care about to consider treatment when they don't want to, but you have to keep in mind it's not your responsibility. If that sounds like you, look into CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Therapy) if you decide you want to try and help get him into treatment. If it's better that you just stay clear (which may also be the right decision) then do that knowing it's the right thing. For the latter approach, hitting an Al-Anon meeting might be the way to go if you're so inclined. Support form others experiencing the same thing might be helpful to you.