GracieLou

Have you told her that you are trying to stop drinking?

That may seem like a dumb question but, does she know?

I can imagine her asking if you want one. That does not surprise me in the least. A normal social drinker will never understand but I can't imagine ordering someone else a drink after they have told me they have stopped or want to stop drinking.

It sounds to me as if your wife is pretty detached from you or in your life together.

I do not know your whole story but is it possible that so much damage has been done that she simply does not care either way anymore? I ask this because if she clings to your daughter and granddaughter as much as you suggest it may be that she has given up on the marriage but stays in it simply for convenience.

Now I don't know this for a fact of course but her side of the coin sounded extremely cold to me. Has she just shut down when it comes to you and your marriage? Have you talked to her, I mean a real honest open talk about your desire to stop. She may not be giving support because she does not know you need any.

I have to open my mouth and say "I need this or I want that or will you help me?". I can't assume others know this already. That is how a resentment starts. I assume others can read my mind AND I can read theirs without any verbal communication happening.