When you in true darkness, like in a cave, tiny speck of light, such as single match, can seem incredible bright and glorious. It like I living in deprivation chamber forever, and suddenly is tiny spot of light and is wonderful. Is like, OMG, am I final gonna get out?! At same time, I cautious to trust it. What if it go away and leave me in dark again?
Not can go there though, cuz if I go there, then I go into whole overwhelming spiral of how big of mess I still has to clean up, and how I has to get a life, and work through grief of missing out on entire life until now. And...
"They flutter behind you, the banners and flags, of your possible pasts, lie in tatters and rags." ~Pink Floyd, Final Cut