I had one particularly unhealthy relationship in my past. I loved this man, I thought, in some magical way like no other man on the planet. In other words, I was obsessed.
When he broke up with me, I felt shattered into a million little pieces. It was an overwhelming grief and pain.
From inside my pain, I kept telling myself and others that I wanted to understand why he did what he did. Why would he tell me one thing on one day, and then break up with me the next? Didn’t he mean all the things he said? Someone who loved me would not toss me aside—would not choose to leave me!
I told myself at the time that understanding what he was thinking would help ease the pain I was feeling.
With time and distance from the relationship (see Dandylion's thread
) and a lot of honest reflection, here’s the truth (and it’s not pretty):
I wanted to know the ‘real reason’ (to understand) so that I could argue against it and change his mind.
The additional truth and what finally brought me peace?
No amount of my understanding the situation was going to change that one, bottom-line, unwavering fact—
he did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore.
Once I accepted this fact (whether I understood it or not) I could grieve, mourn, and weep. I could work through the pain because there was nothing keeping me from it anymore.
I had not wanted to face it, but when I did, and I worked through the grief, I ultimately recovered my joy and my life!
I’m writing this from the ‘other side’. It is possible to have joy again, to love again, to be happy! For those who are struggling and in pain over the end of a relationship, please be kind to yourself and know that if someone breaks up with you, it does not mean you are unlovable.
You are wonderfully and amazingly you! You are a miracle all by yourself