I know how you feel. I have wondered all things you have written about. Active alcoholics are cold and harsh and will never take responsibility. I have had the same obsessive thoughts of how I could just be dismissed like I am nothing and we share a daughter. It hurts like hell and is gut wrenching to be treated as if you never loved each other at all.
I come from a complete place of love in saying this, you have to stop focusing on him and the reasons why because it just does not matter. I had to ask myself why I was obsessing over this one man who treated me horribly. Why did I want him to miss me? You have to do the internal work. It is so challenging I know! We have to take responsibility as well and why we are sick enough to allow ourselves to be treated in such a manner. It took me years to get to where I am today but even today I struggle with those thoughts here and there.
You are an articulate human being..I have read your posts. You deserve to be treated with the utmost respect and have a loving relationship. You have to ask yourself why you think so little of yourself that you are wondering about him anymore. I ask myself the same thing when I start having obsessive thoughts.
Us codies are like the As where we dont want to do the work at times and just want to know the quick answers. I promise you...when you tackle the tough things, you will come out stronger and smarter in the end.
Keep posting. PM me if you need to. We are all here and will support you!