Felicia,
I think what you’re feeling is very normal. It’s a part of the grieving process. Some days will be better than others but eventually there will be many more good days than bad days, and hopefully someday soon you’ll even come to realize that you may have escaped years of prolonged misery. For now just breathe and please take some time tomorrow to relax and pamper yourself. I’m sending you hugs right now from the “Last Frontier”.