Trying to Start over.
I haven't cried in 2 days. That is saying a lot. He has been gone for 16 days now without one word from him. Not even his family has called me. You really see people's true colors through hard situations. As long as his mom and sister (who are alcoholics) keep enabling him he wont stop the drinking or the meth. I am relieved he hasn't come back because I am in a vulnerable place right now. I am starting to understand it is not my fault nor in my control. I still miss him and how he made me feel so loved before the drugs took him away from me. I look at our son and thank the Lord for him everyday. It wasn't suppose to go this way. We were going to get married and raise our son and grow old together. I waited 39 years for this man and he was what I prayed for. In 4 months after he relapsed it isn't the man I knew. This sucks. He missed his sons first Halloween. I know these holidays are going to be hard because I wanted to share all our son's firsts together. There is a reason for everything and I need to believe that. Sorry I am just venting because I really don't have anyone to talk to since he left.