Dear heart,
You have fought so hard to literally survive. Your daughter at some level likely understands that you fought death to be here with her now - today. It is OK to miss an event here and there due to work or a health matter. I'm not sure exactly when we (meaning moms) thought we had to be at EVERY event to show support. What a stupid and unrealistic cultural expectation!
I think it was kind of you to reach out to Your A on behalf of your daughter. The refusal and backlash is just the disease. Flush it like the vomit it is - no reason to spend time studying it.
Hold your head up high. Blast that awful Eye of the Tiger song and have a dance party dressed up in tiger striped pjs. So you can't hear so great? Oh well. If the music is loud enough, you can feel it in your throat, through the floor... Have a conga line and your own silly hallway parade.
Would learning to sign or read lips be a useful skill where you work? Maybe it's time to put energy into a new skill? You are here and present in your daughters life. All will be well.
You really are no longer third. You too, I declare, need a name change!